Fury as Scots discover they have inadvertently voted Tory
There has been an outpouring of resentment within large sections of the Scottish electorate this weekend as many have discovered they have become the unwitting victims of electoral fraud, a vast deception which has led large numbers to unwittingly vote Conservative. The bulk of those affected started to become suspicious over the bank holiday weekend as they became aware of the backward and right wing nature of the views of some of those they had voted to represent them, with many concluding that the Ruth Davidson Party for Stronger Buffaloes for Union was in fact a front for the party of Cameron, Thatcher and Osborne.
Alarm bells were first raised when it became apparent that Lothian MSP, Jeremy Balfour, still derives his morals from a fundamentalist interpretation of the partially collected, poorly translated and selectively transcribed works of a 2,000 year old fictional deity and as such doesn’t take kindly to the idea of legal equality for gay people. Balfour has long held such backward views, in the past he has intimated that many orphans would prefer to remain institutionalised rather than have the indignity of being brought up in a loving same sex family. He fought against the repeal of section 28 and he has described the concept of same sex marriage as, you guessed it:
political correctness gone mad
Not one for over-thinking things, Balfour was recently in hot water after being caught on camera playing solitaire on his tax payer provided iPad during an important Edinburgh council meeting. However, many who had voted for him this time around believed that he had changed his ways after he stopped saying bigoted things and became a candidate for the Ruth Davidson Straddling the Gun of a Very Large Tank for Union Party. However, it turns out that he is in fact the same old ultra conservative.
The second incident that came to light over the weekend was the emergence of historic tweets from Rachael Hamilton, the small business spokeswomen in the Ruth Davidson for Playing the Bagpipes While Wearing a Silly Hat For Union Party. In May last year, Hamilton ill-advisedly tweeted her thoughts out loud by asking a question you would be forgiven for patronising a toddler for coming up with, and publicly answering it with a tangential and only partially factual statement of the obvious.
Why do politicians think they have a right to decide the minimum wage? It’s businesses who pay wages.
Brace yourself for this, Rachael. They think they have the right because they do have the right. However, you are correct that businesses do pay wages. I can see why the Ruth Davidson Eloping with a Salmon for Union Party made you their Small Business spokesperson. Although, it’s the taxpayers who pay part of those wages when businesses are allowed to only provide an amount that the employee can’t feasibly afford to live on.
As well as being an advocate for businesses being able to exploit their workforces and pass on the cost to the taxpayer, Hamilton has also expressed vocal opposition to the concept of having gender balanced boardrooms.
While these revelations are not in themselves damning as most parties, including the SNP, contain within their ranks those who have hardline antiquated viewpoints. The phenomenon has led some to wonder if the party they voted for is what it pretended to be in the run up to the election. Could the Ruth Davidson Party for Running Around in Badly Fitting Sports Apparel for Union actually be a front for the Conservatives?
An important question, as while Scotland is a fairly socially conservative country and has historically had a lot of time for the traditional “small C” conservative values. We have since the 70’s turned away from the Conservative Party who since then have been less about traditional values and more about rampant unchecked market capitalism. Scotland started drifting away from the party when their then leader, Margaret Thatcher, embraced and recklessly experimented with neo-liberal ideology, leading to the decimation of the traditional industrial heartlands of Scotland. She also alienated most of the country by trialling controversial and maligned policies such as the Poll Tax on Scotland.
And this antipathy to Conservative policy has continued into the modern era in Scotland. Here we pride ourselves on a commitment to social justice and on having an ethical welfare state, high social mobility, free secondary education, strong public institutions, and a world class NHS. There is no way so many would knowingly vote for the party of the Old Etonian Bulingdon Club elite, a party whose current leaders joined during the reign of Thatcher and who continue her ideological quest of systematically destroying all the values that we as a nation treasure.
There is no way the people of an egalitarian nation like Scotland would vote for a party that has drastically increased child poverty. A party that has needlessly implemented austerity and passed the bulk of the pain onto the poorest in society. A party who have destroyed the social security safety net while turning a blind eye to tax avoidance by the richest people and companies. The party of the Bedroom Tax. The party who facilitated the incredible rise in foodbanks. A party in the process of dismantling the NHS and presiding over the biggest sell off of state assets in history. There is no way a party that stands against the values that make up the very fabric of Scottish identity could win one quarter of the vote in the Scottish Parliament and become the second biggest party.
Yet this weekend, it has dawned on many who voted for the Ruth Davidson for Martial Artists Kicking a Bag for Union Party, that this is exactly what has happened.
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